How To Get What You Want

How to get what you want - I‘ve met lots of people. I haven’t talked to as many as I might have (being autistic) but even within that smaller sample I’ve managed to observe that most peoples attitude is; me first, people who are useful to me next, and the rest I’m not going to think about. I’d like to illustrate why this approach fails to get people what they want. It was inspired by an incident that happened to me today. A girl in my old job is spreading rumours about me – that I lie on my CV and don’t have any experience in accountancy (I worked in accountancy for about seven years). I was quite cross when I heard this – and also relieved that I had left (I would have been sitting next to her if I’d stayed).

Anyone who knows someone who is autistic will also know how difficult they find lying, even if it’s to protect someone’s feelings. The idea of an autistic person fabricating seven years of their life story is hilarious, the only reason I’m not laughing out loud, is that I think there are some people out there who might actually believe this girl, or rather think they could benefit by believing it.

So to make me feel better, I thought, right I’m going to name and shame her. Then I started writing this. I wanted to work out exactly why what she was doing was wrong – knowing that the universe was designed so we could receive what we desire. I wanted some useful lesson to come from this experience. By the time I got to the end of what I wanted to say, I realised that if I held onto my anger, I would be making myself just as much a victim as this girl is. So if no one else benefits from this, at least I have!

Most of the ideas here come from a book I read ‘Conversations with God’. I’ve read books 2 and 3. My library doesn’t have book 1 (?!), but I intend to get hold of a copy. I really enjoyed these books.

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Firstly, to understand the actions of people, we have to understand their world view and what they want. Then we can say, what you are doing isn’t going to get you what you want. So my main aim here to stop people being nasty to others (including me), but ultimately it will result in their happiness too and one day I hope I will have evolved to a point when I can wish this for them too.

The selfish persons approach to life is pretty much the same as everyone else’s. We all think to ourselves; what can I do now to get where I want to be. For most people they want material possessions. (It’s okay to want to live your life comfortably), for others they want to move up the evolutionary scale and experience greater happiness. The problem is not which you choose, to live your life to its fullest potential, in my experience, you should be choosing both.

Many people focus on the first, because the material world is what we know best and we don’t have any memory of our spiritual life. Our goal is to be happy and we think (not unreasonably) that we should be able to do that with what we find around us. In our world we have developed a system of exchange which uses money as a means to purchase things. Money, for some people becomes a desirable object in itself. This is the first mistake we make.

While having money can make life less stressful (its horrible worrying about whether you can afford to pay your rent) and money can allow you to do things you enjoy (going on holiday, trips to the cinema) it doesn’t in itself create happiness. The idea of winning the lottery makes you happy because you anticipate all the things you could buy with it. Think of people who are tight with their money, who don’t like spending it, they don’t have a lot of happiness. Owning money doesn’t make you happy – it is a means to an end.

People do lots of silly things that make them unhappy because they see it as a way to getting more money. If that money comes, you are rarely in a state to enjoy it – so was it worth it? For example working all your life in a job you don’t like so you can retire on a decent pension – is that sensible? You’re likely to be a bitter person by the time you retire. And if it’s a company pension and they go bust; you’ll be even more bitter. Stepping on your best friend to get a better paid job probably won’t make you happy, you will loose your friend and then who knows, the job may turn out to be very stressful and not allow you enough time to spend with your family.

The materialistic person is controlled by their ego. The ego believes we are separate individuals and we have to compete with each other in order to get what we want. The ego believes there is a finite amount of abundance, it doesn’t understand that each of us creates our own abundance. The ego thinks abundance is something outside of itself. Therefore, logically, the only way to get any of this abundance is either to find some no one has discovered, or take it off someone else.
That final point, trying to take abundance away from another person, is the main cause of pain on our planet. However, eventually this action comes back to us. Not because any one ‘up there’ is judging us, it’s just cause and effect, a law of the universe.

You’ve heard of random acts of kindness and how they spread. The same is true of acts of unkindness, they spread. One person thinks its okay to talk about someone behind their back to get a promotion at work. Someone else thinks; that person now has the edge, if I want this promotion I’ll have to start doing the same. And if someone in that office doesn’t have the strength of character to be an example of a different way to behave, it’s likely that most people in that office will be talking down their colleagues.

Because the ego believes abundance is outside of itself, it also believes that abundance can be given to us by someone else. If we find someone who is better off than ourselves and we think they might be willing to share some of that abundance, we then go about trying to please this person. If that person doesn’t like someone – we slag that person off. If that person has an interest or a hobby, we pretend to have the same interest. If that person voices an opinion, we repeat that opinion as if it was our own.

So now we think we have that person, on our side. But what have we really done? We have given our power to that other person and shown them that we have a higher opinion of them than ourselves. If that person walks in the light, they will probably try to show us the real source of our abundance. If that person is as lost as us in the material world, they may believe that they have power over you. And whilst they may be flattered they might not have much respect for you – you have just given away your power. You may stay in their favour for a while, if you have something to exchange with them (youth, good looks, talent), but don’t bank on it.

So, that was a summary of all the ways I can think of that explains why we don’t always get what we want or expect. The main reason the materialists/separatist route to happiness doesn’t work, is that we are all one. Hurting other people to get what we want is basically hurting ourselves. People seem to treat this fact as if it were a metaphor, not something to be taken literally (autistics however, are good at taking things literally!). But it is true, in a very concrete physical way.

Understanding this and loving one another is what will bring us happiness. Materiality creates the illusion of separation, once we see through it (that acting only for own interests brings unhappiness) we can search for happiness by exploring our spiritual natures, which is the real purpose for us being here.

My mother died recently. Before her death neither my dad nor my sister (I have several by the way but they would prefer to be anonymous) thought about what happens to us when we die. If I asked him, my dad would say ‘I wish I could believe in something’. My sister would just change the subject. She told me recently that she didn’t believe in anything till mum died, she believes in a heaven now. She did used to visit a psychic who is also a medium. So maybe she was just in denial; admitting to herself that life continues after death meant facing the fact that everything we do has a consequence, and there are probably things she’s done she wished she hadn’t. Likewise there are things I’ve done I wished I hadn’t.

So the moral is don’t learn the hard way, learn the easy way! Now!