Planning and organisation

I have a big problem with planning. At the moment my day has totally gone to pot because I’ve been ill, but when I’m firing on all cylinders I get everything done by making lists. I get up in the morning and make a list of what I need to do that day. I try to prioritise but some tasks are harder than others, so it’s the easiest things that usually get done first. I don’t normally get everything done on the list either.

My problem is the slowness at which I do things. Often I have to bribe myself to do stuff with treats, like two episodes of the golden girls then I’ll tidy up, or something nice to eat then I’ll sort through my mail. Things I don’t like doing are generally physical tasks; tidying up, brushing my teeth, having a shower, getting changed, washing up, ironing, anything that involves interaction with the physical world. Sometimes I think I’m in danger of going into a coma I sit still for so long. Which is why writing is good for me. It keeps me mentally alert at least.

Tasks that require a lot of concentration are also harder, because I find it hard to stay focused. I’m a terrible day dreamer. I remember my Nan once saying to my mother when I was about eight, ‘Victoria has such good concentration, I called her name the other day and she didn’t hear me, she was so engrossed in what she was doing.’ I didn’t hear her call my name, not because I was concentrating, my hearing just plays tricks on me (an autistic thing), but from that moment on I always considered myself to have good concentration. It wasn’t till I was older that I realised I didn’t. When I was studying for my A level’s, I sat in the dining room all day, for every day we were given off to revise. I wasn’t revising the whole time, I would often drift off, but I knew if I sat there all day I would get at least half a days work done. (I didn’t do very well, but that’s because I hadn’t been studying the rest of the year).

There are some tasks I can do quickly. I type quickly. I remember our typing lessons at school, we were given a book to work from and a typewriter, the teacher sat at the front of the class. It was very hard not to look at the keys while I was typing. But it paid off, my friend confessed she cheated and looked at the keys, I think most of the girls were. Anything which involves working on a computer, like data entry, I am fast at. My mind still wanders, but somehow my hands carry on doing the task without much input from me. Mindless tasks I am fast at.

It’s not just concentration that’s a problem for mental tasks. I think it’s also a dyspraxic thing. Not being able to organise my thoughts. It takes me a long time to write an essay than most people, finding out what I want to say and putting all the information in an order which leads the reader to the conclusion. No matter how soon I start my essays, I never seem to have enough time. I’ve been reading a book by a dyspraxic girl and she talks about having similar problems.

This is my problem with trying to organise my day, I‘m not able to organise my thoughts. Autistic people are really bad at sequencing. We have difficulty ordering events it time. This sounds very similar to the dyspraxic thing and about being disorganised. I’m not sure what the different is really. I have a very poor short term memory (common to both dyspraxic and autistic people). I tend to walk in out of rooms a lot. I frequently walk into a room, forget why I’m there walk out, try to do what I was doing then remember what I went in there to get. Walking into rooms without a plan is also dangerous because I am easily distracted by something else I find to do there.

Sometimes though, my mind makes sudden leaps forward and does something I haven’t seen it do before. Like this one time, when I managed to create a sequence in my mind with absolutely no prior planning or even intention. It hasn’t happened again since but it did give me an insight into how an NT person’s mind might work.

I had been thinking about brushing my teeth before going to bed, I was lying on my bed but hadn’t got in. I made the decision that I would. As soon as I had this thought another followed almost simultaneously. I could see the second thought ahead of the first (that I should make a hot water bottle), and there was another beyond that and then another, like a line stretching into the distance but inside my head. It was as if my first thought had set off a chain reaction, and all of a sudden I was certain what I was going to do. There was no lengthy deliberation involved, trying to figure out what should come next. I thought, this is how NT people must think, lots of thoughts happening almost at the same time, miraculously putting themselves in order! If only I could think like this all the time.