Autism and Emotions

Autistic people are often described as being emotionless. Sometimes we also like portraying ourselves in this way too, most of the time it is because we don’t fully understand the disadvantage this emotional deficit gives us. Saying autistic people are emotionless is a generalisation, and like all generalisations it is not entirely true. I can be very emotional, just not when it‘s appropriate or expected of me.

Occasionally I watch the news and see something that makes me sad, but not often. Sometimes I would sit with my Nan watching the news or reading the newspaper, and she would come out with ‘Oh that’s terrible, that poor couple’. I would agree with her, as I knew this was the appropriate response. Privately I used to think she was strange, she didn’t know these people, now I know it’s me that’s strange.

I can appear incredibly indifferent to other people. Not because I don’t care but because I can’t empathise, so I don’t do or say the right things. Over the years I have learnt the appropriate responses in a lot of situations. But I am guided by my store of other similar situations, not by my emotions. Sometimes I think back to a similar situation and compare it, and eventually at some point these become unconscious learned responses.

While I am cool and distant most of the time, I have moments when I ‘lose it’. Mostly this is when I get angry. Nobody knows how to make you angry more quickly than your family. Also I am very emotional and passionate about particular causes. I used to get into many heated debates with my Nan (we have different political views). I’m more laid back these days. People never change their beliefs because they’ve had an argument with someone, so what’s the point. Also, I realise it’s not always ‘appropriate’. Maybe people see me being emotional at these times and wonder why I’m so unemotional at other times, not unreasonably they may assume I only care about myself.

But I do care, I feel compassion for people. I don’t think this feeling comes from an emotional place though. I think we all have the ability to love one another, an unconditional love that comes form our heart. I care to a point where most people would have given up caring: I give people the benefit of doubt, I always give people second, third, fourth chances and more, I always try to comfort someone when I see they are upset. Mostly this sort of behaviour gives people the impression I am a doormat, someone they can take advantage of. But I still persist.

A lot of the time my logical thinking mind has to do the work that my emotional mind should be doing. Autistic people are more reliant on thinking and logic than NT people. I wonder if this makes autistic people more vulnerable to their egos than NT people. Autistic people often come across as very arrogant. It depends how you define ego. If you define it as that conscious thinking part of your mind I think it’s possible. Developing compassion for people is one way of overcoming ego.